There’s a new blockbuster premiering tonight, an intricately plotted thriller involving a sinister cabal of shadowy elites conspiring to suppress freedom, justice, and the American way. The latest Grisham? A Tom Clancy potboiler? Nope. It’s a documentary. About intelligent design.

Intelligent design (or ID for short) is put forth as a scientific conjecture which insists that the complexity of the human cell is such that it must have been deliberately created by an “intelligent designer,” and further, that this “irreducible complexity” means that the species we have on earth now are the same ones that existed when the designer first ginned them up in His cosmic workshop. What ID really is, of course, is good old-fashioned creationism repackaged to carefully delete any whiff of the word “God.” ID proponents will shrug innocently and insist they don’t know who or what this designer is, but if pressed, every man Jack of them will stare at his feet and admit that, yeah, it’s God.

The idea was for intelligent design to worm its way into public education as a legitimate alternative to evolutionary biology. Despite being quickly and roundly rejected by actual scientists, ID has continued to nip at the edges of acceptance in school districts with creationism-friendly boards. The catchphrase of ID evangelists is “teach the controversy,” implying that a hotly contested scientific firefight between evolution and ID is currently raging. It is not, at least within the scientific community. But “teach the controversy” appeals to the very core of our American sensibilities—why not hear both sides? Freedom of speech! Let’s vote on it!

Science ain’t a democracy, of course, and even though it’s made inroads in popular culture, the creationists’ current shell game finally had a legal stake driven through its intelligently-designed heart in the Kitzmiller v. Dover case. There, a conservative Christian judge appointed by George W. Bush booted ID out of the Dover-area classrooms, branding it creationism, pure and simple. The court’s indictment of ID was withering and many of the prominent ID theorists who testified were rightly made to look like buffoons. Their wedge strategy resembled nothing so much as a smoldering impact crater.

But faith never dies, which brings us to Ben Stein and Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed, the documentary film premiering this evening. Expelled articulates the latest, shall we say, “evolution” of the ID worldview: that pro-ID academics and scientists are being persecuted and destroyed for their beliefs. It’s a clever if desperate tactic: when you’ve lost on a level playing field, cry foul and claim the game is rigged. And in Stein the movement has a great spokesman. He’s unassuming and nonthreatening with a droll wit and piercing intellect—probably what you’d get if you stuffed the brain of William F. Buckley into a koala bear. Stein’s been a Nixon speechwriter, a political commentator, actor and game show host, and he’s undoubtedly best known for his role as the droning economics teacher in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

In fairness, I have not seen the film. I have read about a dozen reviews of the film, both critical and praising, as well as viewed several interviews with Stein and the other filmmakers. So far, according to what I’ve gathered from all sources, Expelled’s chances to be regarded as a thoughtful, fair commentary on the ID/Evolution divide do not look promising. The film fails to adequately define either evolutionary theory or intelligent design; the stories of “victims” persecuted at the hands of an evolutionist-led witch hunt turn out to be flimsy at best, and downright false at worst; and any hope of a reasonable and supportable airing of the issues goes out the window as Stein attempts to blame the theory of evolution for the Holocaust.

It’s a shameful tactic, but I’m guessing it’s the true purpose of the film: to throw the very worst aspects of humanity at evolution and pray some of it sticks. Scientific theories don’t have politics, of course, so blaming evolution for the murder of millions of Jews and others is like blaming gravitational theory for Hitler’s bombing campaign against London. I have seen a few of the film’s trailers, and they’re filled with errors, misstatements, and attempts to link evolution with Christians’ worst nightmare: atheism. I’ve annotated a few of the problems here:

It’s a shame, because I’ve always thought of Stein as a likable, reasonable, and intelligent guy. He’s still likable and intelligent, but after seeing his involvement in Expelled, I’m not sure many people will find him reasonable ever again. Anyone…anyone?

What’s left of the Conrad Bank building began yielding to the wrecking ball this morning. Most recently the home of B&B Loan and Rental, the building was gutted two years ago by a fire that destroyed the interior but allowed the hideous Sixties-era facade to come down, revealing some beautiful architectural flourishes and a brief glimpse into an era of wonderful buildings now long gone. In my hometown of Helena, an unbelievable wealth of architectural jewels has been lost to earthquakes, fires (accidental and otherwise) and the early-70s whim of fashion with the Orwellian name of Urban Renewal.

In Rome you can see arched colonnades built in the time of Christ. Ours have considerably shorter lifespans:

The Conrad Building was too far gone; without a deep-pocketed benefactor interested in preserving it, there was simply no way to keep it standing. Which is a pity, because you couldn’t build it for money today. And who in his financially-right mind would want to, when it’s so much cheaper to drop a steel box on an empty lot and tart it up with fake brick and neon? Like a lot of things in Montana, these beauties are getting rarer all the time. It’s worth appreciating the ones we still have, and passing them on to the next generation if we can. And I suppose if they have to go, I’d rather they didn’t fall in the name of some developer’s hare-brained scheme to earn a percentage.

I’d rather see them go in a blaze of glory.

I watched Senators Clinton and Obama bloviate on TV for a bit as they addressed the party faithful in Butte the other night. It’s a bit hard to compare their handiwork to President Clinton’s appearance here in Great Falls—he was speaking up close to a much smaller crowd and isn’t the one who’s actually running this time around. Still, from what I saw neither can match his gift for rhetoric.

Obama’s not bad; he’s actually sort of a Bill-in-training. He can sound convincingly inspiring and will throw in the occasional fumbling pause, which actually helps him seem more genuine. But he’s so damn vague. I’m not sure he did anything but verbally wave the flag and hand out cookies. I know at this stage his strategy is just to stiff-arm Hillary till her campaign bleeds out, but come on, man. You’re going to have to stand for something before November.

Compared to Hillary, though, he’s Antony eulogizing Caesar: Hillary. Talks. Like. THIIIIIIIIS. Every word is its own sentence delivered with a audible stabbing motion, rising one after the next in volume to a thundering crescendo, as if merely raising her voice until she’s shouting lends her proclamations real weight. Try it; it’s fun actually. I. Will. Provide. Uni. Versal. Health. Care. For. ALLLLLLLLL.

Crikey. There’s only so much of that wind one can lean into before going all Doctor Gonzo and reaching for the guns. So I set aside my cigarette holder and .44 and made a run north to the Benton Lake Wildlife Refuge this afternoon. There was plenty of wind to be had there, too, but I’ll take that variety any day. Lots of snow geese honking and wallowing in the marsh, but the highlight of the day came as I was driving north on the western dike. I caught a pair of harriers swooping and diving above the cattails. I watched them for a while through binoculars as they rode the thermals in front of the Highwoods. Then two more harriers showed up and I could follow them all at once. I sipped coffee and listened to Wynton Marsalis on the car radio while waiting to see if they’d catch anything. Things got downright transcendent for a minute; it could only have been more intellectual if I were holding a half-smoked Gauloises and reading Nietzsche with one eye.

But it got me out of the house.

Jamie Ford and I caught the first half of former President Bill Clinton’s Great Falls visit today. He’s a politician I dislike so much I voted for him twice in the 90s. There’s no getting around the fact—the man’s a conundrum. P. J. O’Rourke has been quoted as saying that Clinton is so slick he can cry out of one eye. Giving a speech, he’s instantly likable in a folksy way that gives you the impression he’s down to earth and just like you. At the same time, you know he’s an incredibly savvy political mind and virtually nothing coming out of his mouth isn’t calculated to the nth degree. I was surprised by the level of detail in his address; Clinton drilled down to the finer points on his wife’s experience in education (and presumably other topics; I had to head back to work about halfway through), and he wasn’t content with settling for an Obama-esqe feel-good message. He’s playing to his candidate’s strength, of course: experience. I’m not sure it’s enough to overcome her biggest negative; namely, that she has no other motivation to become president than personal ambition.

A few detractors were in attendance, of course. While walking around to the venue’s entrance, we saw a couple of guys carrying in Ron Paul campaign signs the size of 4 x 8 sheets of plywood. Security marched them right back out as we went through the doors. Once inside, we grabbed some floor space near this woman bearing a hand-crafted sign protesting Mr. Clinton’s personal indiscretions:

She was soon asked by a sheriff’s deputy to keep the sign down so those behind her could see; later a woman I’m assuming was a Clinton staffer got her and a few more Ron Paul supporters to dispose of their props altogether. For the most part, though, I’d guess the crowd generally comprised a mix of Clinton fans and people who were bored, curious, and had a few hours to burn on a Tuesday afternoon. All in all, a rare treat to participate in one small piece of Election ’08.

One added footnote: I just caught John McCain on Letterman tonight. I’ve kind of been conflating McCain with Bob Dole in 1996—he’s a decent, straight-shooting war hero who’s punched his ticket, been there, done that…and might be a little crazy. But in a venue where he was openly encouraged to be flippant and entertaining at the expense of substance, McCain was honest, forthright, earnest, and voluble about what he really thought. He refused to stoop to easy platitudes that either Obama or Hillary would have gleefully scrambled to offer. McCain expressed his opinion that the Democratic race was valid and useful, didn’t claim a preference for which opponent he would ultimately face, and called for a civilized final showdown once the Democrats do settle on their candidate. We’ll see how things play out when the rubber meets the road in September, but this could be McCain’s biggest selling point—actually preferring genuineness over poll-happy sound bites.

On to Pennsylvania.

Is it just me, or do “Sheriffs’ Associations” need their annual donations every couple of weeks? I made the mistake of picking up the phone the other night and got hit by one of these groups. I offered to look at their printed material, but of course the caller pressed me for a “commitment.” The envelope came today, from the United States Deputy Sheriffs’ Association, with a return address in Billings. Only they’re really based in Texas, and use post-office boxes to solicit in various states. They are a genuine 501(c)(3) charitable organization, and seem to do some actual good. However, as near as I can tell, they only use about one-seventh of their donations for actual projects—the rest is overhead and payment to their professional telemarketing firm. Good charitable giving percentages start at about 35%. The group’s director sports the requisite law enforcement facial hair, but I can’t tell from his bio if he is or ever has been an actual deputy sheriff. He seems to travel quite a bit to get his picture taken with other deputies, though.

Long story short, their envelope and “get-out-of-speeding-ticket” window decal went in the trash, and the ten bucks they wanted will likely go to fund a Caller ID subscription. I’d rather give to charities I know for sure are worthwhile. And there are other, less scrupulous groups to beware of. The similarly-named American Deputy Sheriff’s Association could only be called a charity, well…charitably. There may be others out there as well; if they spent as much time fighting crime as they do cadging for change, you wouldn’t be able to so much as jaywalk. If you’d like to donate to local law enforcement, call them directly and ask how. As for the telemarketing groups, well…there oughtta be a law.